Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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