no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
