He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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