what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
