btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
