Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
