cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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