Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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