Me too!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
