Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
