I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
