he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
