I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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