You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
