I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
