Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
