it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
