Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
