I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
