At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
