That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
