Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
