Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just want to make out with him forever
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
