Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
