how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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