I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
