so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
