I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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