i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
