No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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