You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
