i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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