Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we're making bets on your personal life
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
