so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
