How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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