She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Slut skills are useful in every country.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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