A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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