When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
