Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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