so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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