Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
