Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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