i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
