I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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