Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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