Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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