she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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