What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
