it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
