I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
