Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
