My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
