Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
