he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
