just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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