I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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