Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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