You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I did not marry a roomba.
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