I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
