she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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