Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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