Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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