Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
