i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
