Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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