Where is the hickey?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
