fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
