I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
